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Jokes & Smiles
Howard County Sheriff Jerry Marr got a disturbing call one Saturday afternoon a few months ago.
His 6-year-old grandson, Mikey, had been hit by a car while fishing in Greentown with his dad.
The father and son were near a bridge
by the Kokomo Reservoir when a woman lost control of her car, slid off the bridge and hit Mikey
at a rate of about 50 mph.
Sheriff Marr had seen the results of accidents like this and feared the worst.When he got to Saint Joseph Hospital , he rushed through the emergency
room to find Mikey conscious and in fairly good spirits. Mikey, what happened ?' Sheriff Marr asked.Mikey replied, 'Well, Papaw, I was fishin' with Dad, and some lady runned me over,I flew into a mud puddle, and broke my fishin' pole and I didn't get to catch no fish !'
As it turned out, the impact propelled Mikey about
500 feet, over a few trees and an embankment and in to the middle of a mud puddle. His only injuries were to his right femur bone,which had broken in two places.Mikey had surgery to place pins in his leg. Otherwise the boy is fine. Since all the boy could talk about was that his fishing pole was broken, the Sheriff went out to Wal-Mart and bought him a new one while he was in surgery
so he could have it when he came out. The next day the Sheriff sat with Mikey to keep him company in the hospital. Mikey was enjoying his new fishing pole and talked about when he could go fishing again as he cast into the trash can.
When they were alone Mikey, just as matter-of-fact, said, 'Papaw, did you know Jesus is real?'
'Well,' the Sheriff replied, a little startled..
'Yes, Jesus is real to all who believe in him
and love him in their hearts.'
'No,' said Mikey. 'I mean Jesus is REALLY REAL.'
'What do you mean ?' asked the Sheriff.
'I know he's real 'cause I saw him,' said Mikey,
still casting into the trash can.
'You did?' said the Sheriff.
'Yep,' said Mikey. 'When that lady runned me over
and broke my fishing pole, Jesus caught me in his arms And laid me down in the mud puddle.'
Elijah the Prophet
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.
And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.
"Now, said the teacher, "Can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. "To make the gravy!"
The End Is Near
A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground that reads: "The End Is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now -- Before It's Too Late!"
As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"
Church Service
After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning."
The father commented, "The sermon was too long."
Their 7-year-old daughter added, "You've got to admit it was a pretty good show for a dollar."
Hotmail
A buisnessman from Wisconsin went on a business trip to Louisiana. Upon arriving, he immediately plugged his laptop into his hotel room the phone line and sent a short email back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her address,
"JennJohn@world.net."
Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter and the email ended up going to "JeanJohn@world.net," a Jean Johnson in Duluth, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away and was buried that day. The preacher's wife took one look at the email and promptly fainted. It read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."
If God had Voicemail
We have all learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary part of modern life. But have you wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this:
Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for All Other Inquiries.
What if God used the familiar excuse...
"I'm sorry, all of our angels are busy helping other saints right now. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received, so please stay on the line."
Can you imagine getting these responses as you call God in Prayer:
To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, enter his or her social security number, then press the pound key. (If you get a negative response, try area code 666.) For reservations at "My Father's House," please enter J-O-H-N, followed by 3-1-6. For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive here.
or...
Our computers show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow so that others may have a chance to get through.
(I'm sure glad God doesn't have voice mail!)
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